"Mom🍍my!Mommy!ehere．Iwonnagohome.”MariannalookedatDimitrisilentlyforanothermihenwalkedslowlyaway,furtivelywipinghereyes，repeatedlylookingbackasifloathingtogo．Dimitriwavedgood-byetoherandwatchedassherejoinedher🕸family．
"Pleasedon’tworryaboutme，Marianna"hemurmured．"Imayappearpennilessandhomeless，buttheearthandtheskyallbelongtome．Iseempoor，butIamrichbeyondimagination．I🝦🍘🈙amKingDimitri!"Asthecardroveaway，Mariannalookedbackathimoutofthewindow，eyesmoistwithtears．ShesawDimitristillstandingtherewavingatherwiththebrightredscarfsnuglyaroundhisneafsh，hisfigureseemedtovanishlikealonelywildbird，flyingacrosstheskiesiwilighttounknowinations．
Chapter3Amalia
Ah!gentlebreeze，disturbnotmysweetdreams．HowdidIgrowold?Iknownot．Wasitthesprihatblewmeold?EvenifIweretogrowoldthus，Imindnot．Letmegotodreamndamidtheflowers,thebirdsandthespringbreeze．Golden-hairedMaryesrunninghither,herlongtressesflyinginthebreeze,herbreastsslightlyswelling,hereyesbrightandmoistehegesinherbodyaremiraculous,likeadewyrosebudreadytoblossomintoared,redrose．MissSimpsonesby，punctuallyat3:30p.m.withher90-lbgolderieverSpeedy．Shetellsallwhowouldlistenthatofherthreeformerhusbands，nonewereasfaithfusSpeedy．HerfifthhusbandMarkwasamentallyretardedboy，tall,fatandobedient．Theirtwosilhouettescouldoftenbeseenintheraysofthesettingsun．OldEdwardalwayswalksbentlikeabow，hisheadonthelevelwithhisknee．Whenhes🔽eessomeoriesthteobethemanheisn’t．Hewasob🎋🏞eseefewweeks．Somesayhehasdiedandgooheaven．Alllivingthingssoontheirgrave-boundway．Foes，knavesespasshtheages．HowdidIgrowold?Iknownot．Letmelieonthisbenthepark．Letthespringbreezeblowmeold．Letmyfleshbodydreamonamidthefragrantblossomsandthesingingbirds．Inthiswarm,cozyspringbreeze,manshouldremainforeveryoung．ButifIamtogrowoldthus，Idon’tthinkIwouldmindatall．
Ah!Whyshouldn’tthefleshbodygrowold?Wearebutmortal，so’tisimpossibletotheerosionoftimebeimpregnable．Wearebutmortal，so‘tisquitenaturaltofindbeguilingcaressesirresistible．Sincewearemortal，we’remadeoffleshandblood．Howmanytimeswemakelove?36,000timesatthemost，I’vebeentold．More，ofcourse，ifyou’remadeofsteruff．Whyshouldn’tthefleshbodygrowold?Activeschoolchildrenjustoutofcss，run,jumpandpyonthegrass．Thereinmyskullfreshideasdance,imp-likeandpyful,justlookingforacemysweetdreamstoenhance．Dreamsaremylife,Ilovethemdear．Foradventure,loveandsatisfatheyhavenopeer．Butthewarmcozydaysarenotforever，that’sclear．PerhapsIshouldenjoythemwhilethey’rehere．WhenIdreamIwilldreamofAmalia-mymotherwhoseldomgavememuchear．YouleftmealonewhenIneededyoudear，butthenyouwereboundtoyourelectricchair．Withyou,youtookoldJaIfear．Areyouthere?IwonderasIlookatthesky．Orareyoudownbelow?Butwhereveryouare，Ifeelthetie．I’llsearmydreamshighandlow．
Dimitriyawnedandsatupfromhisbench，stretgzily．Thetraffichadbeeheavier，thenumberofschoolchildrenintheparkhadincreased，bringingwiththemabuoyantnoisinesswhichmadesleepoutofthequestion．Dimitriwalkedslowlytowardsthekeandlookedatthewater,theskyandtheclouds．Iahechimingofchurchbells♲announgeveningvespersbroughtwithitafeelingofweariness,whieswiththecloseofday．Dimitrithought,"Imeanttotakeafortablenapuhewarmsunandspringbreeze，butinsteadIgavefreereintomythoughtsandwhiledthetimeaway．Ihaven’tcollectedanymaterialformydreamseither．Ohwell，let’sseewhatwilleintomydreamstonight．"
ThechurchbellstookDimitri’sthoughtstoheaven．Helookedattheskiesandthought．"Dotheresidentsofheavehesamewayaswedo?Dotheygotowork?Dotheirchildrengotoschool?Dotheyhavetraffis?Dotheirchildrenpyintheparkafterschool?Whatareyoudoing,Amalia，mysweetmother?Arethereanychurchesinheaven?Doyougotochurchthere?Theysaylifeinheavenistheultimatebliss,wherenooneworksackfornothing．Everyonehasfoo👤d，hesandliveleisurely．Liveleisurely?Whygotoheavenforthat?Iliv🕯eleisurelyenoughhereoh!Iwoheyvoteinheaven，whothechiefexecutiveisandoliticalsystemtheyhave．Dotheyhaveintricatewslikewedo?Dotheyhavewars?Iftheydon’t,whatdoth☪eydo?Justloafaround?OrisheavenlikeahugemonasterywhereeveryonelivestheaustereandSpartanlifeofmonks?Nooneeverdiesthereandeveryooliveooeternity．Isn’tthatablife?OrperhapsheavenislikealuxuriespadmysweetmotherAmaliaislivingtherelikeaqueen,wearingexquisitesilkdressesembroideredwithgoldenthreads，surroundedbyherdies-in-waiting．Musicwouldbepyedbyroyalmusiswhilefragranceofrareiedhersurroundings．Intoxicatedbythemusic,shewouldinvoluntarilyrisetodance，herbeautifundvoluptuousfiguregracefusthewillowswayinginthebreeze．Butno,thatmaynotbepossible．Sheleftthisworldiricchair．Wouldshebeabletoehegatesofheaven?”
Dimitrishookhisheadan⛘🚮🖳dcam🛡ebacktorealityth🅽🞺inking
“No,I’mfantasizingagain.IfAmaliawereliving,she’dbeasilver-hairedfeebleoldwomaninhersevehere’snowayshe’dbeabletodancegracefullyasawillow．Howdoesonegrowold?Isitthesprihatblowsyearafteryear,mperceptiblyblowingawayyouryouthandyourstrength，addingwrinklesandsilverhair?”Hesuddenlyrememberedapictureheoncesawinamagazineaboutamurdercasewhereawomanhadbeendismembered．Thepolicecollectedthepartsofherbodyandputthemintobiggsstainersofformaliheywouldbekeptasevidehouteverdeteriorating．Oainerhadagradcurvaceousarminit，anothe🔥🂲raperfectlyformedandwellproportioheostruckhimmostwasthetaihthehead，wherethesadtenanceseemedtstillforshecouldneverbeputtogetherandmadewholeagain．Ifalivingpersonreservedinitperhapsshewouldneverageandherbeautywouldliveonforever．Dimitriughedathimselfhalf-hysterically．I’mgettingweird．Apnezoomedoverhead．
Dimitrisuddehathisbdderwastoofull，soheslippedintoaclumpoftreesago．Theflowwentonandonandsurprisedhimbythequantityofurinehehadbeenholdingin．Suddenlysomethingthathadbeentroublinghimsincehisyouthcametomind．"Thedesignofaman’sbodyisnical，"hethought．"Whyisaman’ssexualansandhisurinatingahesame?Theyshouldbeintwoseparatepces．Butwhereshouldthesexualahehead?No,that’stooexposed．Iwouldputitonthehand,li🈔♮keasixthfinger．No，thatwon’tdoeither．Itwouldhamperthehandthathastodoheavymanualworksometimesandthatwouldhurtthepeniswhichissosensitive．Ohwell，Isupposetheinaldesignisthebest．Itkillstwobirdswithoosocarriedawaywithhisthoughtsthathestoodtherefingeringhispenis,fettingtoputitbatohistrouserslongafterhehadfinishedurinating．
Leavingtheclumpoftrees，Dimitritinuedonhisway．Heraisedhisheadandsawthatnotfarawayfromhimabedofblood-redroses,br🟙🝣illiantandgeous,werebloomingv🜦igorously．Hereproachedhimselffornotnotigthemearlierduringhisw👵🍋🆢alksaroundtheke．Itwouldhavebeenapityifhemissedthemintheprimeoftheirbeauty，hethought．
"Iwillsleepheretonight"hedecided．”Itisspringnow，soitshouldoocold．IfIcouldleavethisrealworldbehindmeandlieforeverinmydreamnd，theidealretreatwouldbeamidtheseexquisiteroses.”Sl🂲eepingalonightintheparkbroughtwithitassociationofghosts．Whenhewasaboy，Dimitriwasafraidofghosts，butlovedtolistentosepulchralstoriesofghostsanddemons．Nowthathewasgettingoninageandcloserandclosertohisfiiheearth,hewasnolongerafraidofthem．Orary，theirexistenisedaensionofthislifeinanotherworld．Inawaythistookawaymuchoftheapprehensionandfearofdeath．ToDimitri’scuriousandinquisitivemind，hewaseveastewhat1ifehereaftermeant，tolearnwhatthedifferencewasbetweenmenandghosts．
Itwasonlyfivethirtyiernoon．ThefieryraysofthesettingsundyedLakeMerrittintoapoolofblood-redwater．Dimitriregrettedspendingthedayinthinkingandreminisg,asitmadehishead⚉ache．Hismindwasn’tclearanymoreandheneededarest．Butagain,histhoughtswaohismotherAmalia．Ifshewasn’tinHeavebeinHellediernalfmesofGehenna．Hecouldalmostvisualizethedespairingandagonizingexpressiononherfaceasshestruggledtefromthescriver，onlytosinkdeeperintothebot😴🅦🈱tomlesspit．
"HowcouldyoustandthiseorturedayafterdayAmaliamysweetmother?"thoughtDimitri．"Hoefullynowandthenyoucouldleavethefierywatersandclimbashoreforalittleres🁀🂩pite，eatsomethingandhideforamomentinaerbeforebeingpiercedbyaforkandthrownbatothefmesbytheguardsoftheUnderworld．OhAmalia，mysweetmother，doyoueverthinkofmethewayIthinkofyou?Me,youronlysonwhomyouleftalohisworld．No，shewouldn’t"thoughtDimitrisadly．Whenhevisitedherforthesttimeinhercellthedaybeforeshewastodie，shewasuntamed，abusiveandshrewishasever．Sheturnedonhim，snarling，
"Scramyousnivelingbastard！Idon’twanttoseeyourface．Iwouldn’thavebeenhereifIwasn’tburdehyou.”Herviciousandfiendishexpressionrosebeforehimandhecouldalmosthearherhissoutherstvenomouswordstohim“Iregretnothing.Eveniftheyyhead，it’sonlyabowl-likescar．Scram，youbitch’sbastard！GettheFKoutofhere!”Shespitoutthesespitefulwnashieethasthoughtosplihem.Dimitri’shearttractedinpa♀🅒inasherememberedthatpartingse.
“Shehasnevershown🍓🇬anyloveoraffeforme，butIamfleshofherfleshandbloodofherblood．Thereisaninvisibletiebetweenusandmyyearningforherincreasesyearbyyear．Ah，🁀🂩mightaswellgetdrunktonightbecauseoi👘🅤psy，allmyworriesandcaresevaporatewiththewind.”
Daylightdemurelyclosedhereyesandacc🄉🟀eptedthekissoftheprinight．Gradually，almostimperceptibly，nightanddaymergedintoone．Whenthefullmooninhersilvery,luminoussplendorsharden,shesasyDimitrimakinghiswaybackafterthhlydrowninghissorrowsinliquor．Hehadfottenabouthischildhoodtraumaandy．Normallyretit，winemadehimtalkativeaasthoughhehadalottosay．Hespokealoudtothegeousrosesthatseemedtonodwiselyiintheslightbreeze．Suchareceptiveaudiencedhimtorambleo🏃🗗🛰nandon，walkingabout，gesturingexpressivelyonunsteadyfeet．
"Inaimes,longbeforemaheearth，springwasalreadythebesttimeforproliferation．nights,numerousanimalswouldseektheirmatesandcoputetoperpetuatetheirbreed．Maninallydidthesame，butnowthathehaspro📳🞻🙗gressedfarbeyondtheanimalkingdom,sexh🐂☮🂮asbeoreofaphysijoymentthantheneedofnaturefeion.Inthecoverofdarkonight，doyouknowhoeoplearedoingjustthat?”
“Manisonlyawarm-temperaturedanicbody，nodifferentfromanimals，withthesamesexualhebeginningoflifestartedwiththeunionofthespermwiththeovaryiheuterus.Thesinglecelltookthreebilliooevolveintohumanlife．Moderellsusthatthegrowthofafertilizedcellintoababyisarepetitionofthesameprocessofevolution，butittakesonlyhs．Ithinkthattheelementoffateisaddedatthemomentofception．Withoutthiselement,everyonewouldbethesame．Theywouldlookalike,havethesamelifespanandtherewouldbenosuccessesorfailures,justlikeproductsfromafactoryass📒🚎emblyliheexterioroftheembryosofallmammonlookthesame，butthedifferentgehemmakethemgrowintodifferentanimals：cows，sheep，pigsetc.WhatIcalltheelementoffateisiainwaysretedtogenes．Ofcourse，thisisonlymydaringassumptionwithoutmuchevideosupportit．Butlifeisamysterynoonehasbeeosolve.”
“Manismorefortuhanotheranimalsinthatduringtheslowprocessofevolution，asedselfwasbornthatcouldthinkforitself．Thisiswhatnootheranimalhas．Itissimpletosatisfytheneedsofthefleshbody,whilyrequiresfood,shelterandsexualsatisfa．Butmaniscalledtheofanimalsbecausehehasabodywhioloisfiedwithsuchbasieedsandwhitainsasedselfthatthinkforitselfandcouldorderthebodytoperpetuallyseekenjoyment,lustandgreed．Butthatthinkingsedselfalsohasthepowersofself-examination，whichproduce♥sthestandardsofbehavior．Withtheexisteandardsbecameintricatewswhitrolthefleshboingoutofbounds．Likewise，moralitytrolsthesedselfsothatitwouldnothavetoomuchfreerein．Soweetothequestion‘Whatislife?’Ithinklifeisjusthowtomanageourfleshbody．Itshouldcarefullymonitorourthinkingsedselfbecauseithasthecapacitytodobothgoodandevil”．
Withthat，Dimitritookouthisunfitleofliquorandtookanotherquaff．TheactivitiesofDimitri’sbrainweregraduallysloweddoorbytheliquor．buthismother’s🜦stwordstohimresoundedrepeatedlyinhisearuntilhecouldstanditnomore．
"OhAmalia,youcheapnastywoman!”hecriedbitterly."Youuseyourfleshbodyasatoolforyourownpleasures，hinkingitistherootofallevilthatgivesrisetedies，ofwhichIamone．Youmiserablestrumpet，youcallmeabitch’sbastard．Whatd🚣🕌oesthatmakeyou?Abitch!”Hestrodeaboutangrily．"Abitch！Bit...hic..ch!”Hiccupsstoppedhiswords．"Bit...hic...ch!Stopthat！"hesnappedangrilyathishiccup．"You’realsoason-of-a-bitch!Hic”🕁🆦Hepulledouthisbottleandtriedtodrownhisannoyinghicliquor．"Oh，yes，whenIwassmallIlivedlikeawilddog，beggingformediewhenIwasill，rummagingingarbagesforfoodandclothes．Younevercaredahootaboutme，thoughItriedsohardtopleaseyou,sohard…”
Self-pitywelledupandhealmostcried．"Whydidymeintothisworld?Why?IcallmyselfDimitriJa,butwhoknowswhatkindofbloodflowsthroughmyveins.NotoldJa’s，that’sforsure．Awholevariety!"Theangerfredupagain．"Pyaroundifyouwant，butyoushouldn’thavegotteny⚸🖌ourson-of-a-bitch’slovertomurderoldJatopayyamblis．Hewasdettous.Youdeservedtodie．Youdid．Youdid．Yhtallthisonyourself．Ihadnothingtodowithit，youbitch!Bitch!Bitch！！！"Dimitriraisedhisvoidwasshoutinghysterically．Suddenly，hestoppedtalkingaosphimselfonthecheek．"WhatabumIamtotalklikethisaboutmyownmotherwhohasbeendeadalltheseyears．Ifshewasbad,sheunishedforitandpaidherdues．WhoamItobeheriudge?HowgoodamI？WhohaveIinthisworld?”Hebawledlikeachild,huddlediherosegarden.Butthen,hisfiouchedthebottleofliquorandhemumbledtohimself"Yes,Imightaswellgetdrunk!Mightaswellgetdrunk!”
Theliquorsentastreamofwarmthrightdowntohisabdomen.Dimitrifelttipsyandwasetedagain．Heughedandtalkedtohisunseenaudiehisfleshbodyisamiracleofevolution，butitisalsoagreathindrahesoulcouldbeseparatedfromthebody，Iwouldrathergiveupmyfleshbodybecauseallsinsandlustsstemfromit.”Hethoughtforamomentandthenshookhishead．"No,thisbodyofoursisth🝂🈘eproductofbillionsofyearsofgeandshouldnotbelightlygivenup．Andwhoknowsforsurewhetherthebodyandthesoulbeseparated?Iwilltiobeonthealertandwatchoverit,toseethatitdoesnoevil．IthinkIhavedoneagreatjoballtheseyears．Yes,Ihave.”Heughediationandwavedahandatthemyriadofstarstwinklingintheskysaying，"IwilnnouoallyouheavenlybodiesthatI,DimitriJa,havemanagedmyfleshbodywell．Despitemyhumbleins,Ihaveitdoanyevil,soIneedfearherGodnormaookanotherdrinkandsaidtothehostsofcrimsonrosessurroundinghim，"Doyouknow?YouandIarediffereures.0urexistehisearthofoursmakesitdifferentfromandfarsuperiortothosethousandsofstarsoutthereinthesky．Ha,ha,ha”Exultantlyjubintandalittleha🏥🜎zy，hesaidtothem,"Rose!Rose!Youareattheheightofyourbeauty．Pleasedon’twitherawaywhileI’masleep!"Hiswordsturoamumbleaumbledtothegroundandfellfastasleep．Heseemedtohearachorusofbeautiful🎂🎒sopranovoidhisagingbody,likeahalf-hollowedtree,wasinvigoratedbyitandmadefulloflifefain．